Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A Year That Was

Sometimes its better that the present is left behind too. And that’s when the present doesn’t seem to gel. We all talk a lot about leaving behind the past, moving on, getting to think about the future. Sometimes its heaven to climb the mountain of justice, and yet once conquered no mystique remains. Reminds me of a Akon song, where there’s a tagline of “When you have everything, what can you possibly desire?” My version goes ,”When you probably have nothing, what could you possibly not desire?” As the year ends, a good deal still remains to be recorrected and resurrected. Things could so very easily have been different, but destiny does play its hand.

A year which started off on a good note. Went from good to average to bad to worse to worst to average again! A year which I started literally flying, then crashed heads down, and lost it all. Not that I’ve begun to fly again, I’ll probably never do that again, have learnt that lesson. Just started walking, took me a lot of time to stand up, with a bit of support. A year when The Dream was dashed, when all principles got its rigid test of all time. Something like the Borsalino Test. Everything faded, but thank my stars my principles stood it stuttering along. Probably the only golden lining in the the dashed and dotted sky!

Its all been on a personal note. The general feel of the year, well we all can take a glimpse of how the year unfolded on the idiot box. But there are many things which are not covered, which sometimes are best left out of the glare. Right now am pretty mosh-faced. Have not felt pain for sometime now. Don’t let anything affect me. Yet stay straight faced. So many things happening all around, yet as I mentioned once earlier on blogosphere, have become a Hollowman! Have mastered the art of being able to get into everything and yet stay kissing the surface, somehow scratching the superficial sub-layer of everything.

And yes I wanna thank a few people for being with me when I think I’d have just left this world if they had not intercepted…ABD,RB(1),AD,AB,MG,RB(2),DM,SG. These persons I’m ever thankful to. And above all to the person who has changed my life all over single handedly-SRC, Thanks! Not many words for you, but if you had not treated me that way, I would probably never have realized what love, pain, sacrifice, truth, respect, friendship, happiness, loss, Heaven & Hell is! Kudos to one person who could make me feel all of that plethora of emotions all alone. Thank You!

I don’t have a habit of making resolutions. And I’ll never cultivate that habit either! Resolutions are just meant to be broken, just like records. For me now every day is a new day, and so probably that why the new year doesn’t hold much more significance for me except the coming year won’t be a leap year!

Happy new year to all of you…may the comimg year bring all the prosperity, and lets try to control AIDS, and combat terrorism with our best possible weapons, we ourselves…

P.S. : watch out for the next post. It will feature an underground research, that is if you have any interest in such things! Till then …

Saturday, December 20, 2008


Was a time when you weren’t there

I was rising.

Sitting atop a hill,

I was fantasizing.

Keeping to myself.

Was a time when I was small.

When that early rhyme

Made it all.

When that baby ball found its way

My arms aloft

Appraise from the hall.

Was a time when I was young.

When youthful love was in its prime.

When victories counted

And defeats jeered.

When life seemed what it was not.

Was a time when I was in youth

As life grinded the dreams of truth.

As dark silently creeped its way

While the eyes kept whooshing it away.

Was a time when I’d be old.

When I’d wonder what became of told?

When my life would be crissed and crossed along

By the faint lines and darker, behold!

When my heart would be pressed and impressed

By those stealthy imprints of sinister happiness.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Feeling the moment

Feeling the moment
----- Feeder

Feeling the moment the slip away
Losing direction you're losing faith
You're wishing for someone
Feeling it all begin to slide
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no sun
How do you feel when rain drops come pouring down again
How do you feel when there's no one
Am I just like you

Turning to face what you've become
Bury the ashes of someone
Broken by the strain
Trying to fill that space inside
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no sun
How do you feel when rain drops come pouring down again
How do you feel when there's no one
Am I just like you
All the things you do

Don't ever feel
that you're alone
I'll never let you down
I'll never leave you dry
Don't fall apart
Don't let it go
Carry the motion
Carry the motion back to me

Feeling the moment the slip away
Feeling the moment the slip away

Am I just like you

How do you feel when there's no sun
How do you feel when rain drops come pouring down again
How do you feel when there's no one
Am I just like you

P.S. : True Words ring out loud...

Monday, December 08, 2008


What is our fascination with everything foreign? Why is it our inner psyche always reaches out heartily to the outsiders while indigenous home grown stunts don’t get their due. Why is it we look at ‘America’ for high level of studies? Yeah I agree the standards are pretty high there…as compared to here, but its been a helluva time which we could have utilized to bring our standards up to the mark…been a long 61+ years of independence…a long enough time to go past the’ phorens’…why isn’t that others outside would want to visit here to make it a pride of their own that they have been to india…why is it the so-called low fare tourist places is India…why isn’t it that this country can be the object of a millions of billions? Why is it that terrorist attacks in India always brand the place as too unsafe while seemingly worse situations don’t break the fame and name of western places? Why is it that Indians are made out to be weaker than their Western counterparts? Why is it that empathy goes out to the victims outside and mere sympathy to the Indians? Why is it we are looked down upon? Why is it that that Indians have to take it upon themselves to secure a hi-profile jobs in foreign shores, feeling the pinch of outsourcing and continuing threats of disbanding the outsourcing scheme,rendering thousands job-less? Why isn’t it that foreigners look to India to secure jobs and accord the country and its people the respect they so richly deserve? Why is it that the country still can’t take a decision keeping the common man in mind but only for the greed of the good-for-nothing politicians? Why is it we go crazy-hazy over every western celebrity while our own talents are grossly under-nourished? Why is it we criticize our own system of not producing the talent and efficiency? Why is it we look starry-eyed at the Oscars wondering when will an Indian get one? Why is it do we think that we don’t have that quality? Why is it we don’t make the big guns of the foreign world aim for our filmfare awards? Maybe we could set up a foreign category in filmfare awards and allow Hollywood films to apply in that category…Why is it we hocus –pocus on one failure of a sachin tendulkar while laughing aloud, without any sarcastic-ness, at the ‘bushisms’ and applaud him? Why is it we snatch the hornets out of those with the real attitude by branding him a trouble maker? Why is it so many of our past heritage is withering away while we are gaga over the new hotel in Dubai? Why is it we do all the big talk about doing the thing and end up doing nothing except just saying ”this A and B is responsible for this mishap , not me”?why is it we so terribly want to accept the proven instead of encouraging to prove the unproven?

And let me come clean. Am not a Indian basher and all others for just speaking it and not doing it. Am not criticizing our fathers for their inability to convert us into super-standard levels. If they haven’t been able to that, they have done a very important job of building the base. Its upto us to consolidate. Indians aren’t weak and you know that better than any other person would tell you. We have been ,under circumstances, dependent on the outside powers. Its time to break the shackles and break free. Its time we tower over others and leave the big talk to others. Its time to say “the buck stops with me and I’ll do the required somehow or the other to make it work”. Its time to stop calling the system a bullshit and somehow start changing ourselves to improve the system instead of leaving it for someone else. Its time we stopped listening to false political promises and untoward gains and stand up. Its time we call a spade a spade. Its time for dreams to fly. Its time to fly without wings. Its time to tell our inner souls that we are the best and bring ourselves to the forefront. Its time to call the real ‘us’ inside us and shout out and wonder “Why is it we tend to rust and weather ourself and our enormous potential leaving the fascinations to be unveiled to others?”

Tuesday, December 02, 2008




Took my hands, touched my heart
Held me close, you were always there
By my side, night and day
Through it all, baby come what may
Swept away on a wave of emotion
Oh we’re caught in the eye of the storm
And whenever you smile I can hardly believe that you’re mine
Believe that you’re mine

This love is unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
And each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
A feeling my heart just can’t deny
Each time I look in your eyes, oh baby
I know why
This love is unbreakable

Share the laughter, share the tears
We both know we’ll go on from here
Cos together, we are strong
In my arms, that’s where you belong
I’ve been touched by the hands of an angel
I’ve been blessed by the power of love
And whenever you smile, I can hardly believe that you’re mine

This love is unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
Each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
A feeling my heart just can’t deny
Each time you whisper my name, oh baby
I know why

This love is unbreakable
Through fire and flame
When all this is over
Our love still remains

This love is unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
Each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
A feeling my heart just can’t deny
Each time you whisper my name, oh baby
I know why
Cos each time I look in your eyes, oh baby
I know why,
This love is unbreakable

P.S.::::::: These lyrics somehow seem to expose my dreamy-eyed-ness without failing...amazing lyrics and amazing soundtrack...

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Selfishness must be forgiven ... there's no hope at all ... for a cure ...

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Trojan Warrior

Getting overtly dependent on technology has its pitfalls. For the last week or so, my pc has had a complete makeover of sorts only to see it flopping woefully time and time again. :((

It all started with my pen drive cum mp3 player getting overloaded with viruses and Trojans courtesy the machine in the store where I had gone for a few print-outs. I had never been to that shop earlier, had just come to know that prints cost a meagre Re1.50 there. Cheapness comes with a cost, as you and I see very clearly!

Starting from an initial machine crash to a formatting of my hard-drive at 12 in the night to reformatting it right uptil 5 in the morning and still getting no improvements, I had seen it all that day ! And on top of that my mp3 player lost all its settings and inbuilt software, and as if that wasn’t enough all the songs got deleted ,instead, being replaced by a “small” exe file of the same name ! then on loading new antivirus to machine crashing again, its been 1 helluva ride over the past few days. With me being immensely reliant on e-books for the upcoming semz(of which I hardly still know a thing!) I badly needed my pc to run properly, and just when I thought it was gonna be a smooth operation now, this mornig yet again it finally crashed. The usual process of new installations taking up virtually the whole day, my studies went for a wide outside the off-stump full toss !

Hats off to these guys who build and write these Trojan and virus codes! I used to have a pot-house of collection of these in my earlier get-up, used to threaten everybody with dire consequences of releasing them into their sytem if they pissed me off [ :P ] ! infact I had written a code much earlier, dunno what I’d call it, while writing a program in c++. And on running it the machine couldn’t restrain itself from restarting time and time again! So i am no innocent bartender either i guess! :P

Have been turned into a Trojan warrior for the past few days. Am pretty wounded and hurt after these tormentous battles on the battlefield [:P]! time to go and catch a nap maybe...

Till then … the battle continues…

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Faking it

Honesty is well on its way to death. All around I see fake. Its all an illusion.


I am pretty lonesome in thinking this way I guess. But experiences through life – recent and past have just strengthened my belief. A person behaves with another as if he is a bosom friend. Another treats a lover with ultimate sincerity. Yet another shows how benevolent he can be. All appeal to me as enormously respectable emotions. But somewhere down the line I realise , with utter shock and contempt, that I am wrong. In fact how utterly wrong can I be!


One person feels something in a certain way about something. He or she presents it to another person as something entirely else. And something totally different to someone somewhere else. Versions change, with situations, with persons, with contemptuous interactions. You might seem to be a so very much loved person all around until you discover, that horrible impressions and gossips have gone to great lengths about you. Again you yourself might present something in a certain fashion which is not entirely true and you are caught on the wrong foot, few people would own up to a mistake. Most would prefer to wind around the topic keeping on suggesting that he was right.


I appreciate those who speak their mind and who speak it aloud and true. Ruffles a few feathers, sure… but that integrity of the words do stand… I have always despised those who maintain such double standards, changing colours at the drop of a hat. But something I have believed, some vices are in-borne and some are developed with time… The from-birth ones cannot be changed, but something which I firmly believed that one could ,with high determination, change those qualities acquired with time and situations and re-convert them to better virtues, until now…somethings can never be changed…the main reason which I blame for this is the ability to fake it out. Ultimately with all the illusions which one provides to the world, the ultimate one who’s getting betrayed is the person itself. Days, months, years go by…belief’s are eroded…truths are converted into lies…and vice-versa…but in the end without being true to oneself, does one really win the game? And the big poser, does it even matter?


I dunno the answer but from all around the general feel I get is it does not really matter. The eternal cliched line, “life goes on”…betrayals..upheavals..lies..truths..facts..figures..honesty..integrity..sincerity..and all the abstracts abut life..nothing stays..they all get burnt out and buried..or they don’t? only death can answer that I guess…but my principles and faith, somehow there’s been a serious attack on them, unbelievingly everything seems so very fake at the moment…wish I could be faking it all..and faking it real hard…maybe the art of life itself is a fake …

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I wonder ...

As I sit inhaling the deep dark smoke of the tortoise coil burning incessantly for half an hour now, I wonder. I rest my forehead on my knees and I wonder. I close my eyes and I wonder.


How about starting off with the mosquito whose buzz doesn’t seem to become incoherent anymore , especially with the fall of night. I trap a blood-sucker and holding one of its wings ,albeit slenderly lest I hurt it too much, I hold it over the coil fumes. Note the irony! Maybe I’ve come to feel death hurts less than hurt itself. The ‘anopheles’ sniggers and smolders , I release it. Has it realized its just back from a holocaust? The bitter truth emboldened by its inability to authorize its way into the logic now defies the the truth itself. I stare wondering if I was in the mosquito’s place would I’ve felt the same as I’m doing now…


Suddenly I feel my wet palms outstreched. I wonder . Its not summertime out here. The eyes which seem to have been lost for tears have suddenly come alive. Maybe its just those redundant fears or that bitterness which one so often hears. Maybe its just those fumes after all…I wonder.


Keep having an identity crisis. I wonder. A mundane existence ,quite shattered by its non-existence. The daily ,uncrossed in its oath, moves on. Me, with niggles abound turn my head round and round. Seem to be going around in circles or ovals(rather). Sometimes I just stray too much into the realms of light. Trespass the perihelion. Burnt out by the incorrigible heat and blinded by the faith I am thrown off guard. And now I trespass the aphelion. Into darkness. A life of trespassing. Somehow belief fails to rear its head. I wonder.


My eyes arched into an unseen pose . I feel the dried cheek stretched out wipe it on my tee. I wonder. I had ideas. I had visions. I had dreams. I had hopes. I had fantasies. I had wishes. I had faith. I had belief. The last two are still there. Probably they keep me alive amidst the dead halo around me. I prefer to be mystic now. Not mysterious. Prefer to bottle up. Not shoot out. Prefer to live it. Not let it. Prefer to pierce it. Not curl around it. I wonder.


As I relight the coil distressed by the bite’n buzz I feel the nausea. Sometimes its heavenly. Sometimes its just so much to find a sure haven. Sometimes, well..I just wonder.


Forward to the old. The forehead placed strongly on my knee I wonder. I feel I wonder too much. Its my gift. Who’s the recipient of the gift? Me ? I wonder …


Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come…I wonder …

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

DДSVIDДИIYД DADA , a brief obituary to His Cricketing Life ...


The inevitable finally happened. Dada as we fondly remember him put on the Indian white for the last time, donned the blue cap for the last time, and possessed the Indian dressing room as a TEAM INDIA player for the last time. The very last time. An eternally inevitably sadly and yet ecstasy-filled emotional moment…


Rewind to summer of ’96.  A youngster from kolkata with a tagline of having ‘attitude problems’ forced himself  or rather re-forced himself into the Indian squad for the tour of England. Cometh Lords. Rahul Dravid was supposed to make his debut not Sourav Ganguly. But as destiny played its part, as it did so very many times in the next 12 years, Sourav made his debut making a scintillating century sizzling with silken square cuts and off-drives. He had made his first mark in history  of cricket. Next match à trent bridge, yet another century. Sourav Ganguly had arrived.


I was a mere 8 year old then with a fanaticism of cricket boiling in my blood. Sourav made its way into my book-cricket and table-cricket leagues of India. Inevitably he created a place in my team, a special place. And soon he became captain of my own teams in those leagues and cups and championships of mine, much much before he became TEAM INDIA’S skipper.


Toronto’98: Sourav truly set the stage on fire. A hattrick…a couple of fifties…four consecutive man of the match awards, a world record even now…man of the series…scenes of Pakistan being mauled 4-1…memories of immense satisfaction for the billions of Indians…


Sourav had just gotten embellished in books…I became a fanatic fan of his…and when criticism of him started about his role in one-day cricket in the Indo-Australia one day triangular series…the steely resolve was born…not just in sourav but quite a bit in me too…as a fan…maybe it also had to do with us sharing our bengali antecedents,which was made such a big issue by a past great then…


England’99: Return to fond places for Sourav Ganguly…at Taunton, Sri Lanka got into a haze…Muralitharan’s figures read at a point of time 7-0-28-0…after he finished his spell his figures read 10-0-60-0…all due credit to Sourav Ganguly…rarely have I ever seen Murali getting punished and mauled in such a ruthless fashion…that 183,then the highest score by an Indian in ODI cricket remains one of the best of all time…I was left rooting for that elusive double century,sad it never came…


2000: Indian cricket rocked by the match fixing scandal. Only few left untarnished by the episode…the modern day greats- Sachin Sourav Dravid Kumble to name a few…out of the blue the captaincy of the Indian team was thrust into the hands of the relatively unknown captain with ‘an attitude problem’ … few had faith on the man barring the man himself…it signalled the start of the Golden era of india cricket…and whether you call it destiny or co-incidence or irony, it was on this very day – 11/10 that sourav, from then on DADA made his debut as indian captain or as he later made it out to be TEAM INDIA  captain...winning his debut test The PRINCE OF CALCUTTA gained the faith of few purists…as the Aussies tour of India inched closer thoughts began to be raised about India’s resistance to them…


February’01 : An acrimonious series…Australia had arrived under the astute leadership of Steve Waugh to capture the ‘Final Frontier’ … and extend their domination over the whole world…the first test in Mumbai witnessed just that…over to Eden Gardens,Kolkata…I was having my terminal exams then…the first 3 days totally belonged to Australia…India were thoroughly outplayed barring bhajji’s hattrick, first test hattrick by an Indian…at end of the third day’s play India in their second innings were 248/4 with Laxman and Dravid at the crease…next day after returning home after my exams … I saw with awe India didn’t lose a single wicket…India went on to win the test match and thereafter the series rewriting history records…singularly one of the most amazing turnarounds in history of sport and not just cricket…and the points which came out…Sourav’s leadership qualities…his ability to focus and believe and have faith on his boys…his backing of talent,showing bhajji the way to return to cricket when he had been discarded by the selectors earlier…his tactical acumen..and not to forget his ability to get under the skin of the oppostion as he did so (in)famously aginst Steve Waugh by various means including arriving late to the toss to coming out late to bat to tough mental talk to hard play on the field…it signalled the start of the Sourav or the Dada era in Indian cricket as a wholesome and forceful phenomena…and for the Aussies it just well remained the ‘Final Frontier’…


World Cup’2003: India began disastrously beating Holland narrowly and surrendering to the world champins meekly…and then which so very became famous and familiar with Dada..the turnaround and the comeback…India went on to win astonishing 8 matches on the trot reaching the title round having Sourav’s leadership,Sachin’s brilliance with the bat and Nehra Srinath Zak’s incisive bowling…sad the final turned out just the way an Indian didn’t want it to…but it once again enlarged and enhanced sourav’s growing repertoire as a player and a captain…and with emerged the now way too familiar and inspiring motivating INDIAN HUDDLE…


Australia’04: India touring down under with memories of having been whitewashed 3-0 last time round…Sourav set the tone in brisbane with a scintilating knock of 141,filled with brilliant shots and cuts and drives almost ferociously…it just set the rest of the series in tone and perspective…inspiring his boys as he liked to call them, India went on to win in Adelaide after a helluva time, then losing in Melbourne..but drawing the series 1-1..a huge achievement in terms of purely cricketing sense…India were finally recognised not just as home tigers and pet cats abroad but tigers abroad as well…


2004-05: it signalled the end of the Dada show…Greg Chappel, a past great appointed coach of the national side with special recommendation from Sourav Ganguly ‘plotted’ his downfall and with a rather (in)famous e-mail leak led to the sacking of Sourav as captain and subsequent dropping from the side inspite of scoring a century in the last test match he played then…before that his infamous stepping out for the Nagpur test against the Aussies led to immense backlash…widespread criticism of the move not withstanding Sourav was made to appear and reappear for trials in ranji trophy and other domestic tournaments to prove his mettle after playing a decade of top-flight international cricket and rather insulting his cricketing acumen and talent…the core fighter he was, he made the most astonishing comeback vindicating all the criticism of him being finished, his determination and mental toughness and never say die attitude now being part of the folklore…that singular innings of a fifty at the Wanderers on comeback and finishing top run-getter in that comeback series showcasing his intent and ability to win with his back to the wall inspires many, most notably me ;-) ;-)



Fast forward to the present…Sourav wrote his farewell,his final goodbye…maybe he wanted to carry on a bit…but he realised that it probably wasn’t to be that way…and once again showed why he is regarded as one of the greats of the game by stepping aside when he was still quite at the top, when he probably had a year or two of top-flight cricket left in him…he could never have dreamt of a better farewell than beating and truly demolishing the Aussies and as he rightly said, “ its worth saacrificing a year of cricket for such a finish.” Everyone and he himself,known to be a master at records and statistics, hoped to see one final flourish in his last test…the flourish was there but not the century…the century which would’va made him begin and end on a century’s note…famously he went one better than the great sir don bradman by getting dismissed in the first ball he faced…it went on to be the last ball he faced…

as he looked skyward on his way back to the pavilion for the last time ever as a Team India player one could probably make out his emotions or his numbness whichever it was…the very last time…a standing ovation…and on the last day after the fall of the 9th oz wicket when with one of the best gestures and mark of respect which will go down in history, Dhoni handed over the captaincy of TEAM INDIA to Dada , memories came flooding back…on this very day he had made his debut as skipper and on this very day he was appearing for the last time in India whites…an emotional smile suppressing the inner feel of captaining and skippering the side, leading the side…that familiar index finger pointing to the exact field-placing and that clap resounding with its natural leader…a true mark of respect to THE GREATEST TEST CAPTAIN INDIA HAS EVER HAD TILL DATE…


This man has never failed to motivate me with his rugged determination and fist-clenching will to fight to the core…THANKS DADA…THANKS FOR MAKING US INDIANS SO VERY PROUD OF YOU AND SETTING INDIA ON ITS PATH TO GLORY…not to forget all your antics including the shirt juggling one at lords, they just make us feel so very proud….


And your DADAGIRI…

 And quoting Dhoni as he very aptly said, “ We grew up watching these guys go out to the field and play and wear their hearts on their sleeves”. I’ll just add, “ we grew up in turbulent times as our fathers and their fathers do…but you provided us with not just entertainment but also with pride satisfaction and happiness of being an Indian and a proud follower of Indian cricket during these times…you all were our role models…we grew up aspiring to be just you and trying to imbibe your best in us…”


Dasvidaniya DADA…you live long in our hearts minds & souls…


Hope to see Dhoni carrying forward the legacy left behind…


The end and the beginning of an era…


Wednesday, November 05, 2008

When I Gave It All Up


Day shone.

Perfect alibi.

Past the dawn.

Repenting strife.

I arose.

I spread my wings.

Shattering flapping.

Succulent dreams.

Never to be caught napping.

I arose , further.

I reached the peak.

The tempestuous peak.

Scaling down the virgin walls.

I was atop.

Overseer, counting the infinite.

Light blinding me.

As I spread my effluent arms,

Welcome the immune tears.

Welcome the pursuit of happiness.

Welcome the damned curses.

Welcome the mist of calmness.

Welcome eternity.

Welcome .

And that’s when I dived headlong.

From above one and all.

Forbidden satisfaction.

I closed my eyes.

And that’s when I gave it all up.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

' Name Me ... '

 The train was billowing past the barren land. He was on vacation. Far from the monotonous drag of life he had decided to speed his way through to the desert. He wasn’t alone. A compartment or two full of eager passengers accompanied him. He also had another companion, whose presence he hadn’t bargained for. It was her. She wasn’t there in the compartment but was invading his thoughts time and time again. He was totally unprepared.


It wasn’t the first time he had the hots for a girl, neither would it be the last time. But somehow this was different. School life ,which had entered its last lap somehow got him very nostalgic. And somehow amidst the strong heat wave blowing across his face he seemed to miss her voice. How funnily overwhelming was that feeling!

His mind went back to the times he spent with her. It was sheer fun! The long chats, the naughty looks, the walking back home episodes, the steal-a-minute phone calls, the fun of having fun! How weird…why was it that she struck him like this? They were after all just friends…best buddies…close-knit…but why was he feeling so very helpless? He had other friends too…it wasn’t that he didn’t have fun with the rest of them but somehow somewhere fleetingly he realized it probably wasn’t the same without her…

Reaching the hotel he called her up. They chatted, it was nothing different, was it? She ranted on about her life and how she was missing him, and how she hoped he would enjoy his trip, and come back and tell her the accounts. And then he hung up. That night he didn’t sleep. An unconscious voice told him,’ maybe the time had come to take their friendship to the next level.’ And a subconscious one told him, ’maybe this wasn’t the time for all that.’


A double couple of months later. School was to end soon. Everywhere around the mood was understandably a bit gloomy. Friends and friends of friends were busy with slam-books and diaries. No-one was really happy about this change of phase. Even he wasn’t.  Yet again, somehow her to-be-absence bothered him much more. He couldn’t restrain himself further. He had to have a talk with her regarding their ‘friendship’.


It all happened in their common tuition class. He told her he felt specially for her, something different than anything before. She confessed it was the same for her, but she was confused. The word ,’love’ hadn’t been uttered yet. Neither could come along to say those three magical words. Maybe they had a loss of courage or maybe their feelings weren’t strong enough. He told her ,‘ Let’s take forward this friendship and give a name to it.’ She again steadfast refused, asking meekly, ‘What name would you give it?’


They never talked about this again…



Days passed by. College had started. Him & her were in different streams now. They hardly met, but did not let that become a deterrent in their fun-n-frolic filled friendship. Slowly time built its wall around them. Both got busy, gradually getting embellished in their own lives. Tragically yet tellingly they drifted apart.


Six years later. He received a letter. A marriage reception invitation. He was struck by the name. It was her. She had married and her marriage reception was overdue six months. It struck him odd. She had gotten married and didn’t even bother to tell him. He felt a surge of anger. And then he remembered with a chill how they hardly were in contact with each other. Strange are the ways of life. He recollected with a thud that fateful evening in that tuition class. He decided he would certainly go and wish the married couple a gay life ahead.


A glittery evening, adorned all around with startling chandeliers and statuettes and starlets. A grand party. And then he met her. Suppressing the underlying tension, he went ahead. He spoke and wished her, except that no words came out. He just kept staring. He was suddenly crushed, and from her expression it seemed so was she. Some anonymous feeling with a dash of long overdue screamed out , ‘Name me …’ 

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Tagged ...

here i am ... tagged ... finaly got some idea about this taggin phenomena... oops...forgot to mention was tagged by mayuri .. n hey mayuri , u got the spelling of my name wrong!!! [:p]

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 3 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people..

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Those who know me personally will know the answer !!!
2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
To make the world happy and smile,even if it be at my happiness' cost
3. Whose butt would you like to kick? 
The cigarette's !!!
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
use it for social causes ...

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Does love come with a tagline of not falling for your best friend ?? if your best friend is that lucky person then nothing's better...b'coz no-one shall understand you better !!

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone ...when that person is the one you love ... that's pure heavenly bliss !!!

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
a lifetime if so be it ....

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
after all my happiness lies in her il wish n pray for her always...
9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
malnourished and famished children and neglected senior persons ...
10. What takes you down the fastest?
just one person's got the ability to puncture my numbness and shatter me...still haven't gotten used to it !!
11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
let 1 year pass by..then we'll look at 10 years...
12. What's your fear?
The Fear of Fear

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
this blog would be far too short a place to write all that !!! for now i'll just say she's a great friend !!!!
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
married and poor ... 

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Think of that one person !!!

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
i'm bilaterally symmetrical am i not ???[:p]
17. Would you give all in a relationship?
Absolutely ... 'coz for me its once in a lifetime !!!
18. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has 
Forgive...but i dont forget easily ...

19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
relationship -> a real and fulfilling one....

20. List of 3 people to tag: