Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Bring it on. I wonder what it feels like. I seem to have forgotten it. The pump in the air - the frown on the face – the exhilaration of winning – the joy of enjoying!

For the last few months. Three or four to be precise, I withdrew myself into a shell. I know I wasn’t myself. I had lost the motivation. I simply had lost sight of the aim, the objective, the glory. I had become way too used to everyday life. Nothing really worked me up. It was mundane. Studies didn’t attract me, inspite of the fact that my awful results should have gotten me working double hard. Games and sports- I stopped actively participating in. Maybe sometimes a few rounds of cards were all that I had. I didn’t practice the guitar playing. It was wrapped and kept in a corner of the room, with moults of dust accumulating on it. I didn’t bother to clean up the mess in my room, and it resembled a perfectly hostile bunker until lately. I haven’t been to the photographic club in ages, thereby inviting occasional wrath and sarcasm from fellow members. :P . I even didn’t go regularly to college, something unthinkable for the likes of me. I became not disinterestedly lazy, but willingly unfazed. Procrastination bore its deep olive like roots in me. I even took a sabbatical from blogging and writing pieces. I had just lost the interest in everything.And all I did in this period was some much due self introspection.

Now. Honestly speaking, I feel so good. A break was needed. I might not have walked much ahead, but I sure did chart out my path for the future. I feel so rejuvenated now. And truly though it sounds so typical, I feel I have recovered back my posture now. I have begun to study. I am once again taking an active interest in sports and travelogues. I feel lighter, and the urge to fight is back. The will to win is popping out here and there. Been quite sometime since I’ve been on such a cloud. The intensity is back. Self belief, which I had not been able to find in the past year or so has miraculously made a comeback. Maybe I can’t improve by hell to heaven in the upcoming semz but I’ll sure give it a shot without losing myself in the bargain. After all I gotta be somebody who I already am. Not a nobody who I never was…

You can´t give up!
Looking for that diamond in the rough
You never know but when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.

And Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Return to Innocence

The skies groaned. The grounds stared up, hoping for the grains to be bathed. A huge roar preceded. A flash scattered a couple of dogs running mindlessly on the road. A small child, still in her mother’s arms broke into a loud cry. And then, a drop, and another, and another. They seemed to be bundled together falling thick and fast now. And old man, returning home, ran beneath the covers. A young couple ran all the way along to a big banyan tree, couped up in its shade. A bunch of women, quickly spread their umbrella’s over themselves, preserving their makeup. A labourer, went on hitting the boulders with all his might, only for once looking up and soaking it in. A few boys, teens probably, kicked the ball around, enjoying the company of thick mud. And a whole group of observers, gathered beneath the shade of the tea-shop beside the ground. Suddenly, a boy, at most touching 10, ran out into the open. He kept running. A couple of elders, ran behind him, trying to make him see reason. The boy ran, ran with all his might, till he went past all the trees, till he crossed the range of those running behind him, till he reached the middle of the ground. Now even those big boys on the field stared at him. And he broke into a jig. He danced with all his might. He just seemed to enjoy those falling balloons of water. He spread his arms apart, palms outstretched. As the droplets latched onto the small palm, he threw his hand up, and found great joy in finding the drops bounce up and fall back again with renewed vigour, with comrades in tow. Everyone stared at this little boy. The socceroos reacted first. They joined him. Then a few youthful guys joined in. and a few started clapping to the rhythms. The mundane place seemed to wake up with the innocence of the little boy. Just enjoying the tranquil, forgetting for a moment everything else. The child smiled large heartedly. And everyone joined in.

This ‘he’, the small child was me. He is no more. It’s a mature, practical, bogged-down-by-the-burdens-of-expectations, struggling, and yet, trying-to-break-the-mould-and-live-the-dream-and-spread-a-smile person now. I miss the innocence. I do, and I hope to capture it all with a return to innocence.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Make the Right to Vote A Wallpaper, Not a Screensaver...

Recession’s hitting big time. You don’t need that statement from me to make you know this. A few days back. I was on my way to Mani Square. Apparently the owners have been incurring losses, and apparently (yet again!) food court was going real cheap. Food was available at unheard prices (*smirk*!). All food items, well almost, at 24 bucks. The situation can be gauged. Pretty evidently!

However I knew of the economic crisis that the world is going through. I really and honestly didn’t have a wee of an idea that its hit the Goddamn brains of my fellow country-men with due respect to most who probably will protest against this statement.

I was on the bus. Sitting just adjacent to the door. Behind me a couple of guys were chatting. I hadn’t noticed their faces, and would evidently have not bothered to do so if not for this following piece of dialogue!

(Let’s call them Guy 1 and Guy 2 …)

Guy 1: The plan’s come to nought. Yesterday we planned to spend the entire day at Mani square, and see the time now. It’s so late in the evening.

Guy 2: Chill man!

Guy 1: Arre yaar toh what were you doing in the afternoon?

Guy 2: Had a couple of pegs of rum with dad in the morning! Then got all sleepy…

Guy 1: Hey uncle has a store house of drinks or what at home? (Laughter from both sides..)

(Well if you think this was all, well forget it. This isn’t really a bit to be worth writing on a blog, ain’t it? Read on…)

( On the way, a hoarding of a political party urging people to vote for them stared at us as the bus went still at a traffic signal!)

Guy 2: Hey you’ll be voting this time?

Guy 1: Na re. I’ll be outta station. Office work.

Guy 2: But recessions hit us bad yaar. What say?

Guy 1: Yeah. India’s been affected very little. And most of it is an exaggeration.

Guy 2: No man! Many chain stores have already been shut down in the US and Canada.

Guy 1: Who said? Those are small business ones. The big ones are still expanding… (Raising a big smirk from me..sad they couldn’t see my reaction, I was sitting in front of them ! )

Guy 2: (Changing topic…) Mamata’s really rallying this time.( For those who are ignorant of ‘Mamata’, its Mamata Banerjee, MLA from South Kolkata).

Guy 1: Yeah. But What’s she standing for this time?

Guy 2: Even I dunno yaar! She was supposed to be fighting for the CM’s chair.

Guy 1: Yeah. So she must be rallying for her party not for herself!

Guy 2: Yeah. Last time she challenged Buddha! (Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee, West Bengal CM)

Guy 1: Challenged Buddha for what?

Guy 2: Arre you don’t know?!?! There’s a separate vote for the CM ‘s chair. The two of them fought it out and he won! Must be the South Kolkata Constituency. It’s an important one.

Guy 1: But CM is Vidhan Sabha. This is for the centre, I guess.

Guy 2: That’s why I told you. She’s not standing this time!

Guy 1: No. She’s standing this time. She must be looking to get the CM’s chair after winning a seat in the parliament.

Guy 2: Yeah!

Guy 1: But wait ! Hold on! She was a Railway Minister some time back. How could she be if she was a member of the Vidhan Sabha?

Guy 2: That’s true too!?!?

Guy 1: Okk. I got it! She was a MP ! Member of Parliament! Vidhan see…

Guy 2 : Yeah, you’re right. Let’s see if she can topple the CM next time when they fight for the CM’S chair. Maybe she’ll get help from this rallying for these elections.

Me : (Turning around… I really couldn’t bear this torture any longer! ) When you go back home, call up your brother or sister or whoever you have, ask him or her to lend you a basic civics book, read it up and THEN DISCUSS…and If you cant then you better go and ROT AT HOME DRINKING RUM WITH YOUR DAD!(with that I went down the steps of the bus…)

I know the last bit got a bit rude probably, but I couldn’t help it!

Man! This was Emotional Atyachar at its best! How can a couple of 25-26 (or whatever..that age group) guys working well to do in xyz bank and abc consultancy with experience of going abroad (I could make it out from their chat!)not have this basic knowledge about elections? It’s not just being unaware of elections, it’s about being blissfully and proudly unaware of one’s own country! I mean, ok. Somehow you don’t know this. It’s your duty to know this. And on top of this when you don’t know this, you don’t have the Goddamn right discuss in such a free-mongrel manner and reveal the whole potful of ignorance inside you and thus drag the infamy of the youth being not so aware of the election procedure to the top of Mount Everest! All around there’s so much of campaigning going on. I’m NOT asking to dig into a party propaganda and be a hard liner. But come on, YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BASIC THING! This is not the general trend of the youth! And I hope IT BETTER NOT BE !

And guys DO VOTE. (of course you should be above 18 and have EPIC card! :P )

Make this right a wallpaper, not a screensaver!

Monday, April 13, 2009

A Dream

I wish it wasn’t this dark. It’s black. No white. All around I see the devil. Dressed in black. The windows leak a light, albeit its black light. I stare gorily amidst a broken pane. There’s not much to see. My eyes open wider. I take a couple of steps ahead. Unsure. Another one and I fall. I am falling into an endless abyss. It’s darker. Maybe. I can’t distinguish. I am falling. I hit something. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t pain. I take a loop of tumbles. Did I hit ground? No, it can’t be the ground. I can’t even describe it. I suddenly realize the encompassing surrounding. I try to bang on every side. I keep banging harder. The surface breaks, emitting a light now. Blinded. A jet of white and colour shoots. I am hit. And they suck me in. I drop into an omnipresent circus of light. All around so many small droplets hanging. The background’s also smitten with those droplets. One of these hits my face. Gosh! Its so chilly cold, that drop. And yet again I am sucked in. This time into the droplet. And I see an apparition. As I reach out to touch a glimpse of me in there, I get hit by another drop. And I am spooned inside that now. It becomes a chain. I am zip-zap-zooming through. I have had almost a tour. And suddenly I feel I don’t need to see anymore. I don’t need to experience that anymore. I don’t need to view the intrigue again. I have been over it now.

And I wake up. It’s still dark, quite late in the night. Misty silence greets me. I realize it was a dream. And I realize I had touched reality in that dream. The boundaries had blurred. I had visited the solar system of memories. A lifetime of them. I’m wrong. Lifetime(S) of them. Past lives, future lives. All were present. And I am blessed. A shudder passes through me as I realize this. I get goose bumps. And I feel eternally present. A death won’t be enough to wipe me forever. And I bask in the darkness…