I was married. I don't have any papers.
I am divorced. I don't have the 'proof' for that either.
I would have, someday, been the father of your child.
I will not have my Arya. Maybe you will have yours.

I hate to, I don't want to, but I have to leave.

I will miss you, D, more than any word in any language can express. I am silent. I can't take it no more. I love you.

Drops of salty hot water slide down as I fumble to wipe them. I will be with you, always.

Last 6 days in the City of Joy.

Sometimes you chance upon something, that something which can strike you right inside. It will cut you through and yet it won’t kill you. You will just know it’s you, in a way. I chanced upon Pablo Neruda tonight. Years back I had chanced upon Khaled Hosseini. It’s my style. It’s my pattern. Deep layered enigmatic imagery irony of emotions. I love the pieces.

I am not supposed to be awake now. I am supposed to be tired. I am teary again. I miss D. Ruffle of the hair. That way.

What of the time when I am not with you. When I only have to rei(g)n in the afterglow. When I have to go yearning for you while oblivious to the world. I am oblivious now. I am in tears. I don’t believe myself while I am writing. I dread to discover your pain. I can’t do without knowing that either. I can give my life for you. I know I don’t need to do that, but you are everything. E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  I can’t live without you. I love you.

Today meant a lot. A “l.o.t” as you say it. God Bless.

I can't

I can’t take it when you say it’s a waste.

I can’t take it when you say don’t.

I can’t see us parting on that note.

I can’t see when you leave in a huff.

I can’t leave without a troika.

I can’t go without a feather touch.

I can’t bear a loss of opportunities.

I can’t think of anyone but you.

I can’t live without you.

In You

Its been days and months. And yet i haven't got the pig off my back. And I'll be honest enough to admit, that maybe i dont' even want to. A query from SD made it all very apparent and a snap relivened the faith on myself.

Those terrific pangs hit me.
The vicious fangs curled around me in jealousy.
A thrash and a slap on a very much surrendered cheek didn't change the vision.
You and me, sitting in a corner, it was yesterday.
Even now, its the same.
Only, its not me anymore, its a namesake.
For you, maybe its better.
For me never been better.
Happiness reigns prime in you.
Loveliness reigns godliness in you.
Truthfulness stares from me in you.
Alas! I was never in you!
Alas! I was in you!
Alas! I withered away in you!
Alas! I died in you!
Alas! I live in you!
I love you.
In you.

P.S. This is a scheduled post