An unsent letter

Now,
I am a blasphemy.
Mayhem rules me.

I was.
Once upon a time,
I was the one who every country big and small desired to be.
Again, twice upon a time,
I was the one who became the plasma for creation.
Again, thrice upon a time,
I was worshipped for my tenacity and struggle and fight for independence.

And now,
I think,
I was.
I had pots of sculpted gold.
I had hands scripting delicacies.
I had grey matter innovating.
I had.

Why is it I am veering towards the past?
Why is it I am using the past participle to evoke that emotion?
I am in the present, yet I was?

I am independent. I need you all to rise up. I need you all to start saying the right things. I know you are, already. But now, I need you to stop saying those right things, and start working. Words catalyze, actions sustain the reaction.

I have reached the bottom of this bottomless pit. You have to accept this. I have no able administration. I am just a couple of doors behind absolute anarchy. I have been able to redefine the boundaries of corruption. But all is not lost, and that is, because, you are there. It's time.

Why are you all staring around? Have you not been able to understand it's you who I am talking to? Yes you, and you, and you...

It is only when you all will account yourself to yourself with the same intensity as you blame the other rascal, that I will be what I was again. The future beckons. For the first time, I have referred to future. Don't disappoint me. You have to stick it out. We have to stick it out.

I will be where I was.


For now,
I am India.

I hate to, I don't want to, but I have to leave.

I will miss you, D, more than any word in any language can express. I am silent. I can't take it no more. I love you.

Drops of salty hot water slide down as I fumble to wipe them. I will be with you, always.

The rain lashed at me. I was not alone. The wind was more than just a summer breeze. And I felt like living the Titanic love with arms wide open, with you.

It was phenomenal today. It was magical today. It was special today.

As we wind up 15 months, I realize the desperate futility of those numbers. After all, numbers are there to just make up numbers. Our number is "Eternity & Forever".

Someday, some day ...

Why is it life always comes a full circle? I remember PP had mocked fun at me. I owe her no hard feelings, since. However, today i realize what a ride she has been taken on. Maybe love indeed has these strange Harry Potter rides, which never really are what they seem to be.

What of the time when I am not with you. When I only have to rei(g)n in the afterglow. When I have to go yearning for you while oblivious to the world. I am oblivious now. I am in tears. I don’t believe myself while I am writing. I dread to discover your pain. I can’t do without knowing that either. I can give my life for you. I know I don’t need to do that, but you are everything. E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  I can’t live without you. I love you.

Today meant a lot. A “l.o.t” as you say it. God Bless.

Loveducation

You are gone.

I am left on probation.

You would stay awake.

I would lull you to sleep.

You would talk.

I would listen.

You would chatter.

I would patter.

You would sing.

I would compose.

You would dance.

I would match the steps.

You would run.

I would egg you on.

You would cross the road.

I would hold your shaking hands.

You would work.

I would wait.

You would laugh.

I would make it my only music.

You would cry.

I would take you in my arms.

You would make faces.

I would tease you.

You would shout.

I would be calm.

You would be silent.

I would scream.

You would love me.

I would love you.

And then, you were gone.

I looked around.

I found none.

I ran searching for your trails.

I encountered failures.

I was daunted.

But, I never gave up.

I had my obsession.

I had my dream.

But then you realize, dreams are just dreams after all.

The walls crashed.

And then came a time, when I stopped running after you.

I chased your shadows.

Black and Grey.

Never White.

Never Red, Ivory Blue.

I caught you many times.

But I could never hold on to you.

I ceased to follow.

I learnt to let go while holding on.

( Love is ) ...

Feeling blue

Too good to be true

Beautiful

Harsh

Eager

Hopeful

Yet, heart wrenching

Music

Noise

Stress

Pain

Everything when you can’t think of the gain

Dramatic

More of a melodrama

Faked by many

Yet, more real than reality.

Royal

Driving a Porsche on the highway

Steering an yacht on the waves

Flying seamless

Gliding translucence

A box of chocolates

Beef steak with chilled beer

Whiskey with tandoori kebabs

Chocolate mousse

Sleeping on the terrace on a starlit night

Watching the faraway twinkling lights of a hill-station

Chatting your heart out

Fagging till eternity

Walking on the railing holding the other's hand

A cup of Darjeeling tea

Cappuccino

Walking hand in hand

Sleeping in each other’s arms

Smiling when you’re supposed to apologize

Laughing when you’re asked to cry

Quarreling when you’re about to appease

Wearing that shirt everyday

Spraying that perfume

Being her rockstar

Being his Dutch dame

Red

Black

Something that you can’t crack

Her picture on your desktop

His mail starred in g-mail

Indispensable

Unrecognizable

Untouchable

Perfectly imperfect

Passionate

Impressively ignorant

Returning to roots

Giving in to insane demands

Being dil-logical

Being a loser for the world,

Being a winner for the One

The unfeeling kiss

The devil smirking within you

Trespassing

Tragic shadows of spring

That perched photograph

That souvenir of immoral love

Unfaithfulness

Faithfully due to yourself

The tranquil ambiance of the rainbow

Sacrifice of your dreams

Yielding while you’re strongest

Standing up at your weakest

Floating on heaven while it’s still there

Loving while it’s not …